Growing up in a Boarding School

How Life in a Boarding School Builds Independence and Self-Reliance

A boarding school experience is about far more than simply living away from home; it is a formative journey that shapes young people for life. For expat families navigating frequent relocations, an international boarding school near Paris such as Ermitage offers something invaluable: stability, community, and a structured environment in which children can truly thrive. Students discover new cultures, explore a wide range of activities, and build friendships that often last a lifetime, developing the independence, resilience, and confidence that will carry them well beyond their school years.

Ask any international boarding school graduate what they carry with them from those years, and the answer is rarely an exam result. It is something harder to quantify but far more durable: the ability to manage themselves, navigate the unexpected, and thrive in new environments. In a world that is more mobile, multicultural, and uncertain than ever, these are not soft skills, they are life skills.

I have spent more than a decade working in boarding education, progressing from boarding house tutor to Head of Boarding at Ermitage International School Paris. Through these experiences, I have had the privilege of working with, supporting, and watching hundreds of young people grow and develop within the safe and nurturing environment of their boarding houses. What I have observed consistently is this: a boarding school in France, and indeed anywhere in the world, does not just educate young people. It shapes them.


Rethinking Boarding and Challenging Misconceptions

There is a common misconception that boarding schools are an option of last resort, reserved for difficult family circumstances or children who can’t cope at home. The reality, in my experience, is almost the opposite. Some families find it the best choice due to their circumstances such as frequent relocations, while others actively choose boarding and the home-away-from-home environment as a way of preparing their children for the world that lies ahead.

Whilst there is always an initial settling-in period, conversations with our oldest and most experienced boarding students consistently show that the experience is a deeply rewarding one. Homesickness is real, and it is taken seriously, but at Ermitage alumni events, our boarding students highlight the many positives of growing up in a boarding school in Paris when comparing themselves to their peers at University or in their early careers.


How Boarding School builds Independence: The Four Foundations

One of the most important things to observe in our boarding school in Paris is that independence is not a trait children either have or do not have. It is a skill, and like any skill, it develops through repetition, low-stakes failure, and gradual increase in responsibility.

When considering independence in boarding, it is helpful to view it through four key aspects: self-management, self-efficacy, decision-making, and emotional regulation. Together, these form the foundations of how young people gradually learn to manage themselves within a boarding environment, on a daily basis. 

Shared-living leads students to self-management which includes time management, organising sleep, respecting routines such as bedtime, and being mindful of roommates. It also involves preparing their equipment for the next day and managing deadlines, whether for academic work or providing information about weekend plans. These daily expectations encourage students to take ownership of their time and responsibilities to a greater degree than their day students counterparts.

Self-efficacy is the confidence to speak to adults, ask for support, and recognise when they need support. 

Decision-making develops as students learn that choices come with consequences, and that managing outcomes, even when they are not ideal, is part of becoming independent.

Emotional regulation plays a vital role in managing homesickness, resolving conflict within shared living spaces, and knowing when and how to seek support from their peers as well as the adults in the school.

Structured Autonomy: Freedom With Responsibility

Boarding students arrive with a wide range of backgrounds and prior experiences, and independence does not develop at the same pace for everyone. What is consistent, however, is that our boarding students are supported as they learn to make decisions. Many parents observe that their children become more self-reliant and independent thinkers precisely because boarding requires them to take ownership of responsibilities they may not previously have encountered.

A key way in which boarding fosters independence is through carefully structured autonomy. At Ermitage International School Paris, we formalise this through boarding students’ responsible living status (RLS), an agreement between the boarding house parents, students, and their family. This framework gives students progressively greater levels of independence, from visiting the local area to travelling into Paris, all within clearly defined and carefully supervised boundaries. 

Students are responsible for planning their time, communicating clearly with the boarding house parents, and balancing parental expectations with their own aspirations, all while navigating friendships with boarding peers who may have different RLS as well as day students. This type of structured autonomy allows students to practise independence in a way that is both age-appropriate and supported. Located in a safe, green, and pedestrian-friendly suburb just outside Paris, many Ermitage boarding students also cycle or use e-scooters, learning to care for and manage their equipment responsibly while navigating their local environment - a natural extension of the same principle.

Self-reliance is built through routine and responsibility. From practical tasks such as doing laundry, planning homework, to maintaining personal and shared spaces. While structured study time is provided, students are also given increasing opportunities to manage their time independently. Boarding house parents act as an additional parental figure rather than a replacement, and our boarding students are not constantly reminded or prompted but guided to learn to take responsibility for themselves, this is a central part of growing up in a boarding house.

Crucially, this independence exists within a supportive safety net. When our boarding students feel secure and supported, they are able to make choices, reflect on them, and learn from experience all while navigating two or more languages. Over time, they begin to understand where independence is appropriate and when support is needed.

 Living Together in a Multicultural Boarding Community

Living in a boarding house also means learning to live with others. At Ermitage International School Paris, our boarding houses are designed to be a true home away from home, and typically consist of around 20 students, many of whom come from much smaller family environments. Each boarding house is a repurposed family residence, creating a warm and familiar environment. Navigating shared living on this scale develops tolerance, empathy, and respect for different cultures, values, and ways of communicating. These social skills are fundamental to independence in later life.

Hand in hand with independence is confidence and self-reliance and these are strengthened through participation in boarding house life. At Ermitage Paris, boarding students can apply to join the Boarding House Council. The Council meets regularly to discuss ideas, activities, and concerns, and then represents peers in weekly boarding house meetings. This develops their ability to speak up, listen to others, advocate for themselves and others, as well as engaging in democracy. 

Boarding also encourages students to try new things such as activities, hobbies, music, sport, by signing up independently and committing to new interests. As a truly international community, students are supported in discovering who they are and what they enjoy.

A Strong Foundation for Whatever Comes Next

Ultimately, independence grows best when it is rooted in belonging. Boarding students at Ermitage are known as individuals, cared for, and listened to by their boarding house parents. Clear routines provide structure and consistency, while trusted adults in the boarding house and school remain available throughout a student’s time in boarding. Long-term relationships with staff, alongside connections with catering, maintenance, housekeeping teams, teachers, and trip leaders, reinforce a sense of community and security.

For internationally mobile families in particular, this consistency is one of boarding's most underrated qualities. A stable peer group, trusted adult relationships, and a clear routine that continues regardless of where a parent's work may take them, located twenty minutes from the centre of Paris, with all the cultural richness that brings.

Growing up in a boarding school is a powerful training ground for life.It supports young people in learning how to manage themselves, their relationships, and their choices, while knowing they belong to a caring and structured community. It takes effort, reflection, and support. But for many students, it provides the strongest possible foundation: the independence, self-reliance, and confidence needed for whatever comes next, whether that is further study, university, or life on their own terms.

If you are considering an expat boarding school in Paris for your child, we warmly invite you to visit Ermitage International School Paris and speak with our boarding community. Sometimes, seeing it in person is all it takes.

About the author: Jennifer Ranson oversees boarding and safeguarding at Ermitage International School Paris, ensuring students feel safe, supported, and confident. The school is located in Maisons-Laffitte, a town surrounded by nature, just twenty minutes from central Paris.